you know that felling you get when you head into the day already behind? when you didn't pack lunches and left dishes in the sink? when their clothes weren't laid out and you can't find anything to put on that makes you look like a decent mom???
that was today!
i'm pretty certain that the word says whatever you put your hands to will be blessed. (deuteronomy 30:9, deuteronomy 28:8) and, i've been putting my hands to so much lately!!! from homeschooling, designing, to editing films, vlogs, photoshoots and managing our shop. i do believe that we have to explore to discover what HE has for us but, i've been feeling so STRETCHED and spread too thin! and, normally the answer would be that i have taken on too much. although, i haven't felt led to let anything go :/
i sat down feeling completely defeated when i heard HIM whisper... "i love you too much to let you get TOO FAR WITHOUT ME..."
i knew just what it meant and the scripture to back it up...
"i suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, YOU FALL OUT OF GRACE. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: FAITH expressed in LOVE." (Galatians 5:4-6)
it's my theme song... that scripture. it is what HE points me to in regards to my purpose. it is my grounding word.
i do believe that we are to focus our attention. but, yet again, i haven't felt led to let any one thing go?!?
i keep trying my hand at writing in this space more as a way to bring all the bits and pieces together. actually, i have always felt a pull that this little space would be SURE to bring all the bit and pieces together. and, yet, i haven't been faithful in this area!?!!!? i haven't been faithful discipling myself to "just write".
i mean i could be wrong... the instruction might not have been from God. but if it was, i would have failed. so here i am... trying again.
i wasn't really sure why i've had such a hard time disciplining myself to do so, and then i realized that i needed a better defined WHY. why write? to whom am i speaking?
i started blogging almost 8 years ago after cameron was born. i remember reading an article where a mother was terminally ill and wrote letters to the daughters she would leave behind. letters about life and love. letters filled with lessons she had learned, and that she wanted them to know along the way.
an incredibly touching story. here i was with this brand new baby. completely overwhelmed, emotional and faced with so much that lied ahead of me. so much of life to navigate through.
i remember so clearly, thinking to myself that I COULD DO THE SAME THING. while I'm still here!!! write letters to my babies. about FAITH and LOVE, about dissapointment and pain. letters about the everyday. to let them know that their mommy is no superwoman but yet a child of the most high God who covers ALL of her short comings with GRACE and LOVE. but what does that look like in real life???
I write in hopes that they will always remember my words. often tired and less eloquent but always real and honest, passionate and pure.
My babies are isolated to a lot of the ways of the world, as homeschooling affords us that privilege. the privilege of choosing the timing and the manner in which I uncover and explain the struggles and shortcoming of this world.
what I want them to know is that THEY GET TO CHOOSE. they get to choose what they think on, how they respond, and what they believe. they get to choose LOVE over HATE at all times. the choice is yours and yours alone.
This world was not for you to understand but instead for you to shine a light on that no one could darken or dim. there are a lot of things in this world that are hurtful and disappointing. don't look to understand a world that was never meant for you to understand. i have so much to tell you... my babies, that is, and this is WHY i write.
from syreena (their mommy), with all the love