we packed a few bags and took a walk before lessons yesterday. mommy's favorite season has arrived and it seems that i write about it every year. it is the time of the year things start to slow down and my heart always finds itself in a very open place. open to the change that surrounds me. and, it is different every single year. this year, change is most evident in our homeschool life. in the way we learn and grow together. i've learned to trust HIM and follow HIS leading in our lives more than i have ever before. and it is, most certainly, a result of HIS faithfulness over these last four years.Read More
over the last couple of years, i've been in constant prayer for direction, healing, growth... light. my instructions were to take pictures, tons of videos, write it all down. odd, i know. but, i am happy to say that i have been faithful!!! every photo, every video that sometimes takes 5-6 hours of editing, every random blog post & private journal entry…
being so transparent can be scary, or there could simply be no other option but to share how good GOD can be in your life... if you let him. if you stand for him. when you let your faith and love work & believe in what seems impossible.
these last two years have been rough. we’ve lost jobs, run through savings, stood in line to purchase food with no money...
to every cashier that said the person in front took care of it. every person who balled up a $100 bill and slipped it in our hands at the tail end of a friendly hug. for you, who wrote out that random $1000 check not knowing that we were short EXACTLY that for our mortgage.
all the memory keeping has made it impossible for me to overlook GOD'S goodness in the midst of our storms.
we’ve had parents that have given us cars, cousins that have purchased the kids clothing, friends that have gifted play dresses, have restocked towels when ours were destroyed when our bathroom flooded. uncles that have given us school room tables (our pick with no cost limit), family that has supported our school monthly. church family members that have gifted us bedroom sets and even cases of legos that would have cost us a many coins on our own. parents who give us a budget to buy gifts for the kids (for christmas & birthdays) along with grand-sitting services to give us a day alone to shop for them.
sometimes when you step out in faith it feels like you walked into the FLIPPING WILDERNESS. and, in a way you have!!
to you who keeps sowing those seeds into the lives of others, for every gift you’ve given & every seed you've sown, THANK YOU!!! YOU have been LOVE in our lives. DON'T TAKE YOUR ACTS OF KINDNESS LIGHTLY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU MIGHT BE HELPING SOMEONE TO ENDURE!!!!!
to you who is still pressing to endure. i’m sharing just in case you wanted to give up today. i’m sharing just in case you might consider giving up tomorrow.
this isn’t the end of our story, it is just the beginning.
it takes faith to create! to trust that what God has for you is everything you could ever want and more. it takes faith to create something that you haven't quite seen before to be inspired sole by the vision that he plants inside of inside of you. you aren't a carbon copy someone else and neither will your success be. it takes faith to create the story that is your own.
"sometimes what God puts on your heart is bigger than what you can communicate to other people -Jerome Lewis"
...those words have been on constant rotation since I heard them in a service a few Sundays ago. The fact is that often times I have trouble even communicating the dreams in my heart TO MYSELF!!! This morning we headed out on a walk to the lady baby's doctors appointment with my dreams heavy on my mind. You know us... Always trying to "figure it all out"!!!
"but none of this makes sense ?!"
"but these dreams feel SO impossible!"
"dream even BIGGER??? I have no idea how that's even possible"
"people will think we've gone plum crazy!" "how will I EVER live up to all of that?!!"
and as the thoughts filled my mind... Just before I started to drown in a pit full of doubt and unbelief, I caught a glimpse of the words on my shirt as they read...
"seek ye first the kingdom of God... and ALL THESE THINGS shall be ADDED unto you!!!" ~matthew 6:33
it was a reminder to me to put HIM first!!!
my heart melted to mush.... Let me explain....
in an effort to dive deeper into my relationship with God, I would try (in my own might) to make changes in my life as I learned different principles of living this Christian life. this led to failure and frustrations that I have trouble even thinking of without it turning knots in my stomach.
one night, the frustrations were high and my heart was so heavy. what kind of God makes someone feel this way??? whatever happened to your yoke being EASY (whatever a yoke is) and your burden being light ????
thats when i heard the soft whisper in my spirit...."what matters most is faith expressed through love...." (galatians 5:6) the message was so clear, so certain. a life of faith. a life a love.
"how do I live this life?", i whispered back.
this began the journey that has been exploring this faith&love life. theFALLCo was birthed as "tiny" (but power packed) memos/revelations from him to me... theFALLCo was created to help me have the faith to explore what those revelations revealed to my heart. to have the faith to create this vision in collaboration with HIS will and HIS abilities. i have to trust that HE will show me the way and chose to obey even when i am struggling to understand.
(back to our walk from the doctors office) "i will look to you FIRST Lord, and let you add all these THINGS to me", i said aloud. in that moment the words of my mouth created calmness in my heart. the words that i spoke created the peace and confidence that i needed more than anything else.
this is where faith & love create. just as HE created the light by SAYING, "let there be light!" and there was LIGHT.... i have the capacity to CREATE like the CREATOR
from syreena, with love
We woke up Friday morning to snow. A lot of it. She was coughing a lot! Her brothers had been sick several days before her. First, my middle boo and then the big one. Things were ok. Sad, but ok. That is, until she started gasping for air and choking up yucky mucus. Our doctors office was closed because of the snow. Thankfully, there is an Urgent Care facility within walking distance to our house. I bundled her up and drove her over. Once we were seen, the nurse had a listen and said that she would like to get an x-ray to ensure there was no fluid present in her lungs. Ummmm, ok… sure. Fine. Problem is… this now means a hospital visit. UGHHH!!! *insert fear flood here*
I didn't think I was afraid. After all, I had been meditating on healing scriptures and had been finding out all that belongs to us as children of God. But the fear feeling flooded me still. I made a couple of phone calls to very specific people. People whom I knew would help me get myself in check and help prepare me for whatever battle that lay ahead. Sure, for now it was just a simple little cold. But, that is not what floods your mind. What flooded my mind was memories of the past. What flooded my mind were very vivid pictures and smells of a Pediatric Intensive Care Unit stay that lasted far too long and was far beyond what this mommy imagined she could handle.
I didn't think I was afraid but the fear FEELING flooded me and I knew I needed to get it under control. My feelings, that is. Once I had gotten the majority of my emotions in check, I decided which hospital to visit, packed the lady baby up to meet her daddy and headed over. Once we arrived at the hospital I knew for sure that we would get the x-ray back with a negative result and be headed home to enjoy the rest of the snow day. Unfortunately, it didn't go quite that way. The x-ray tech walked back into the waiting room with little bits of fear in her eyes and let us know that it didn't look the greatest. She said her lungs were really "junky" and that if pneumonia wasn't present, it would surely be present sometime soon?!?! We made a call back to the urgent care nurse where she advised us to go ahead and have her admitted to the ER. Once admitted, they let us know that she had what was called RSV (basically a really bad cold in babies that only got worse because of their inability to blow their noses or cough up the tremendous amounts of yucky phlegm that the virus produced). We were on the verge of getting care instructions and a few medications to take home when her oxygen levels went down lower than they would've liked them to be. And then we were told we had to spend the night!!! Instead of getting better the news kept getting worse. It was starting to be a constant struggle to get my fear and faith levels under control. Everything in my head wanted to be fearful and expect the worst, but everything in my heart knew that this is just a test of faith. I kept hearing God tell me to rest and just sit back and let him usher me through this process.
At this point it may seem that I was just completely overreacting to what was just a really bad cold. But for me, it was something more than that. There was fear attached to this little hospital visit of ours. Seeing my oldest baby, as a little boy, hooked up to all the machines, intubated, under anesthesia, on at least 5 to 10 different medications for over a week. His oxygen levels were below 55. His lung had collapsed. He was weak, looked lifeless, and it all seemed like he came out of nowhere. I just remember the doctor telling us that our baby was very, very, very sick. This time around things were different. I knew how to use my faith to see me through a difficult time now. She was admitted, hooked up to an IV, and put on an oxygen monitor. I played with her, prayed with her, and confessed her healing throughout the night The next day came and she was able to breathe comfortably with her oxygen level staying where it should be. She was making progress but they insisted that she continue to stay and be monitored
As the following night neared and I was ready to be discharge from the hospital it seems as if they wanted her to stay. She had been given an antibiotic for the pneumonia and was being kept comfortable with the RSV but they still had concerns with her ability to eat and produce wet diapers. Problem was the hospital's not the most healing of an environment. There are sick babies all around you. Crying all times of the night, and doctors and nurses entering your room every 30 seconds to check vital signs makes it very difficult to rest. Very difficult for my lady baby to nurse in peace, she's a nosey one,that girl! So instead of getting anxious I decided to pray. "Lord, open the doors that no man can close and close the doors that no man can open." I would like to take my baby home! At home, I knew I could create an environment of health and healing! I could clean up a nice little cozy space for she and I to just rest and recover. I could put on healing scriptures, play soft music and get her back into her regular environment (ready-to-eat and play and thrive).
We ended up being discharged that night. I bought the lady baby home and that very night she rested well, she ate well, and things were already taking a giant turn for the better. My biggest take away from the whole experience was this... that walking by faith didn't mean that I wouldn't experience opposing feelings. I still felt nervous… anxious… scared. I still felt uneasy and double minded. And, yet, what I did do was recognize them as mere feelings. But my actions were based on my faith!!! I took her healing. I took my peace. And, I took my strength, by faith! I learned that taking something by faith didn't mean that your feelings would always be in line. I understand, now, what it means to do something afraid. I'm thankful for the lessons that God is teaching me and I'm ready, more than ever, to learn more and more.
Yep, so that was my first big test of the year. I'm so glad that my God always causes me to Triumph!!!
From Syreena, With Love